As I sit here and reflect on the first year without my mother, I truly realize how much fitness and working out has played a role in my process of grieving. The gym isn’t just because of my physical results, but the gym is also a “saving grace” for my mental health. When I decided I wanted to lose weight and start going to the gym, my mom was my gym partner when I started. She would always encourage me no matter what. Even when I started to gain weight, she would let me know in her own way, but I didn’t get upset. This first year has been very hard because I’ve had to adjust to her not being here. I had to adjust to her not finally going to bed when I’m leaving for my 4am gym session. I had to adjust to her not being home when I come in from the gym. It’s hard to think about because even if she stopped working out with me, she was always willing to be supportive of my diet. I always had someone who would be willing to try new and healthy recipes with. I don’t have that anymore. A lot has changed, but I’m turning the pain into purpose. I had to accept that the version of me that was here prior to her death no longer exists. I’m not only mourning my mother but I mourn “her” as well. I’m proud of myself because this year hasn’t been the easiest mentally or emotionally, which started to show physically. The gym me has returned! My motivation to get back on track is back and its working. I have had moments of grief in the gym! Tears rolling down my face but I still push through. I miss my mother every day, but I find peace in knowing that she’s no longer suffering. Im thankful for all of the things that she instilled in me! I’m grateful that people love me because I am an extension of her 💜